Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

About My Culture- The Eastern European- Part II

Welcome back to PART 2


                             here is  Part I in case you missed it :) 






 

Different cultures.
Somethings you/I do may seem rude. Mostly is unintended. It gets to be funny if talked about it. Here are "some" of the differences I have seen in US from where I grew up. 


This time I am going to start with the DO NOT section 


                  DO NOT  
Do not stand with your hands in your pockets. This is considered rude. 
Avoid shaking hands and giving things across a threshold of a house, room, or office.  It is best to cross the threshold completely before shaking a host's hand when arriving and leaving.   
It is considered rude to point with your finger. It’s better to use the whole hand.  
Putting one’s feet up on the furniture is considered extremely bad form, as is showing the soles of your shoes to someone.  
The American “Ok” sign and thumbs up sign are rude gestures.  
Putting your thumb in between your middle and index finger while making a fist is an obscene gesture.  
When shaking hands with someone, be sure to take off your gloves, as it is considered rude not to. 
Speaking or laughing loudly in public is considered rude, as Russians are generally reserved and somber.


 
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When in public
 Good grooming and polite deportment is essential, lest one risk being labeled "uncultured" by an elder. Since the collapse of Communism, many young Russians have become rich. Traditionally it was considered good manners to not call attention to oneself. Although wealthy Russians may flaunt their cell phones, wear expensive clothing and jewelry and drive foreign luxury cars, they are often looked down upon by their countrymen for flaunting their wealth.

Socializing  
Negotiations with Russians often involve flared tempers. During negotiations and meetings, temper tantrums and walkouts often occur. 
Night clubs and bars are popular places for students to socialize. Going to sporting events are common as well. There are also many student festivals. 
Drinking is acceptable in designated areas. It is not polite to be excessively drunk in public, but it happens quite often. Smoking is acceptable in designated areas.  
*(There is a 18 year old drinking age, and rarely enforced.  It is common to see preteens, and even younger children, drinking alcoholic drinks) 
Flicking the throat with the index finger can mean, “I want a drink” or “he/she is drunk”.
Penalties for possession, use, or trafficking in illegal drugs in are severe, and convicted offenders can expect long jail sentences and heavy fines.
No smoking age limit, no club entrance age limit.
*(There are vending machines with cigarettes in many bus stops in the cities)
*(If you are well groomed, clean dressed, semi prepped - for men, you will be allowed to enter the night club. If not, no matter how much money you offer/bribe the bouncer with, he will not let you in)
The clubs stay open mostly 24 hours. Most close when the sun comes up for a few hours.
Many during open to serve breakfast as they make a few small changes from the nightclub to day time locale.
Traditionally men ask women out, but it is acceptable for women to take the initiative. 
Most men do not tend be forward or overly aggressive. Many are passive and shy. 
*(In clubs, when dancing men dance with men and women with women as well, without having the "category of being homosexuals)
*(best friends of any gender do hold hands while walking down the street, again, with no issue) 
Chivalry is still valued. Men are expected to hold the door, offer their seat, offer their coat, etc.
 
Meeting Etiquette
The typical greeting is a firm, almost bone-crushing handshake while maintaining direct eye contact and giving the appropriate greeting for  the time of day.
When men shake hands with women, the handshake is less firm.
When female friends meet, they kiss on the cheek three times, starting with the left and then alternating.
When close male friends meet, they may pat each other on the back and hug. 
Titles are important and it is best to address people directly by using Mr." Gaspodin", Mrs./Miss " Gaspazhah", followed by the surname.  
One should always wait to be invited to use first names before doing so yourself. 
*(It is very uncommon to call someone else "mom", "sister", "cousin", "auntie" if they are not blood related.
 During conversations, an arm's length of personal space tends to be the norm. 
There is not that much touching during conversations, especially at first meetings.  Friends and family tend to touch more.



 @ Taste Of The World Event.
For more photos visit and "like" Steve Yap Photography page:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steve-Yap-Photography/247276101974550













 
 Romantic/Tough Area

Romantic love is acceptable and open, with little stigma for premarital sex or even unplanned pregnancies. Women do not bring the boyfriends to the parents house. They first meet in a "neutral" territory.
During childbirth, men are kept out of the hospital room, and women are expected to stay stoic and refrain from crying or showing pain.
After birth the woman is paid by the state a 3/4 of the salary for 2 years to stay home with the baby.
*(In Bulgaria is 3 years)
During the Communist era, women were expected to work outside the home, but that is changing and now men are stepping again into the roles of providers.
Men bring flowers on dates. They pick the restaurant, pick the best table.
Woman chooses which side to sit.
Men make sure the glass is never empty and yet they do not get drunk. 


When entering a venue:

The man takes his hat off. Women are allowed to keep their headgear on. 

A restaurant, business building, someone's home, theater, always the woman enters first!
  It is rude for the man to enter first or together, in the same time. 
 The only place where the man enters first is in a nightclub and exits after the woman. The explanation for this is: A club is usually for "pick-ups". When the woman enters first, means she is available, she is single, ok for men to approach. When the man enters first then the lady, is a non-verbal way of telling others to back off. 
When exiting the club, the lady exits first then the man- that means they are together. If she exits last, that means that she is available, and men will exit after and approach her outside. 

While inside, a drink is offered as in: "What would you like to drink?" not: "Would you like to drink?"

Also, offer a seat as soon as possible. 

When walking on the street:

The woman is never walking to the road side. 
If she is exposed to the cars, means she is a street walker, shown off by the "pimp".



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part III coming soon.



Wednesday, June 5, 2013

About My Culture- The Eastern European- Part I

Different cultures.
Somethings you/I do may seem rude. Mostly is unintended. It gets to be funny if talked about it. Here are "some" of the differences I have seen in US from where I grew up.

Generalities 
Relationships & Communication
 Russians are transactional and do not need to establish long-standing personal relationships before they do business with people.
*(Don't ask me how I am, how is my dog/hamster/pig, what I think of the #*$%^ football team's performance)
*(A business relationship can be abruptly broken if the two care for different soccer teams, hockey, rugby, polo, etc)
It is still a good idea to develop a network of people who you know and trust. The Russian word "svyasi" means connections and refers to having friends in high places, which is often required to cut through red tape.
Bringing a gift to an initial business meeting is common.  Something with your company logo or representative of your country is always a good idea.  
Avoid hard selling tactics and any sort of conflict or confrontation. 
Important decisions usually take a while but simple decisions are sometimes made on the spot. 
Going out for a drink together is highly recommended as it shows interest in strengthening the relationship and promoting good will.
Russians value being well dressed and nicely groomed. 
For men: Formal suits are the norm.  Dark colors are the way to go. 
For women: Standard business attire. Stylish, yet conservative. 
Jeans and business casual attire are usually not appropriate for initial meetings.
 It is best to err on the side of formality when you first make contact.
Sincerity is crucial as it is required to build trust, and trust is needed to build a relationship.
*(And yet always have enough cash on you to have in case of bribing needs to be done)
Most Russians do not trust people who are 'all business'.
An indication that you have successfully developed a personal relationship is being asked for a favour by that person.

 Sports Fans

*(When a major soccer game is played there are no women seen in public on the stadium, as at the end or during the game, punches can fly)
*(Women and kids know which stadium the game is happening and they avoid that side of town for that half of the day. The fans get into the public transportation and can fight there too)
*(Soccer fans tend to be very passionate about their team, and sparks can appear, with physical violence if an opinion comes across as offensive)
*(Sometimes just wearing the favorite soccer/rugby/hockey/polo shirt, can start a fight.)

**it was weird to me to see men (in US) with football, basketball, baseball, jerseys of different teams in bars side by side, watching the game- without fist fighting.
Entering someones house
When you invite someone into your house, open the door and move aside, holding the door. Hand should make a "welcome", "come in" sign. Then shake hands/hug/kiss.
Those things are not done outside or in the door.
*(only strangers/informers are kept to stand outside)
*(I am not trying to teach you about religion)
 *(Russia has very harsh winters, and people are usually bundled up in fur coats and Ushanka . Thick gloves and heavy boots, probably wet from all the walking. So the faster inside, the faster your guest can "make himself comfortable" - literally. ;) 
Men bring flowers if there are women in the household
Appropriate gifts include high quality chocolates/sweets or fine wine or liquor (avoid Vodka).
*(Always make it a bouquet of ODD numbers. Even numbers are only given at funerals)
If there are kids in the house, bring some candy/toys for them.  
If there are only men, bring either a bottle of alcohol or some "manly" gift.

Remove your outdoor shoes. You may be given slippers to wear.
Allow the guest time to take his/her shoes off. Help by either offering a chair, stretching your arm for support, or shoulder to lean on.
*(In the Foyer, entree, anteroom, lobby, hall, corridor- there is a place where to put your shoes and there is a coat hanger with bench where shoes are taken on/off)
*(Street shoes do not go passed that area no matter what. You will not see streets shoes in any room, stored in closets, unless they are brand new or bought to be given as gifts)
*(not hygienic and they may give out an unpleasant odor)

Once in the house

In every building, men take the hat off.
Always offer something to drink.
*(Not necessarily alcohol)
Mineral water is known in the US as club soda water, sparkling water, carbonated water. No flavor, bottled from natural sparkling springs. Concentrated fruit syrup and club soda mix can be offered as well. 
Expect to be treated with honour and respect. No flirting, no kissing, no dirty jokes, especially if the host is older or there is an elderly person.
Offer the guest to sit down.
You will not be offered the tour of the house. If you need to go to WC, ask and you will be instructed where to go. *(Do not take the tour on your own)
 


 Drinking

Men pour drinks for women seated next to them.
*(When offering pour until she says stop)
Do not "drink yourself under the table" (meaning, do not drink until you fall off the chair)
Do not get drunk, even if the host asks you for drinking duels.
You may not always be offered hot/cold vodka.
Spritz is a very popular drink for both genders. It can be done with just wine and sparkling water. It will bring more of a champagne.

What you called me?!
How do you address one's elders and superiors respectfully, which means using their first name and patronymic (the name deriving from the person's father's name). Russians also use the formal pronoun of address when speaking to elders, as well as strangers. Intimate forms of address are used only among close friends and family members. To speak otherwise is considered rude.


 Eastern European Children

Babies, though coddled, are often treated like little adults and scolded for childish behavior like crying, biting or hair pulling. Girls are expected to be quiet and mutually helpful, while boys are encouraged to be boisterous and loud. In schools, academic standards are high, in order to instill culture in Russian children.



Gift Giving Etiquette
Gift giving using takes place between family and close friends on birthdays, name anniversaries, New Year, and Religious Holidays.
If you are invited to a Russian home for a meal, bring a small gift.
Male guests are expected to bring flowers.
Do not give yellow flowers. (Friendship, jealousy, infidelity, apology, a broken heart, intense emotion, dying love, extreme betrayal)
*(In history, it is known that the types of flowers and colors have their on language http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Language_of_flowers  )
Do not give a baby gift until after the baby is born. It is bad luck to do so sooner. *(no baby showers)
Russians often protest when they are offered a gift. Reply that it is a little something and offer the gift again and it will generally be accepted. When you want to buy/give a gift, don't ask, just get it. 
*(Art, perfumes, bonbons, jewelry, office supplies, make-up, beauty products, household items always welcomed. Gift cards/certificates are mostly welcomed)

DO NOT
Do not give intimate items, lingerie. Most clothing items are not to be given as gifts. 
*(If it is the "wrong" size, it can be taken as offensive, or if it doesn't fit as she wants. A gift card to a certain store or go on a shopping trip can save you from some awkward moments)
*(Candles are not considered gift. We pray with candles, and go to funerals with candles)
*(Oval picture frames are used for tomb stones. No oval picture frames, photos. Ever)
*(No towels)
*(Do not ask later on about the gift. Your gesture was noted in your favor)


 Get your own: 
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Photo@ Taste Of The World Event.
For more photos visit and "like" Steve Yap Photography page:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steve-Yap-Photography/247276101974550



thank you, Steven Yap